I was probably eighteen years old. I say that because this conversation happened in my friend's car and that most likely means she had picked me up to take me to college.
My dad was twelve years older than my mom and when they first got together, he would go to the field for his job and put his car on blocks before leaving. She didn't have a driver's license.
So she took classes and got her license while he was gone and then years later their son had a driver's license the nanosecond he turned sixteen and their daughters both physically moved out and owned a vehicle before getting a license because in some ways my family is the most sexist pig that ever did pig.
So when I was eighteen, my mother gave gas money to a friend who lived nearby to take me to school with her rather than, you know, get me a driver's license. And that explanation is an example of how my mind organizes information: We had this conversation in her car, so I was probably eighteen because REASONS.
And so my friend says to me in a tone like you will not believe! and says something about "Guess what my dog did this morning." And I very flippantly reply "She pissed in your mother's bed."
Because we're friends. Because I know the details of her life, that she has pets and lives with mom and Mom is hell on wheels and not really fond of the dogs.
And my friend reacted with probably more shock than when her dog pissed in the bed, like I'm PSYCHIC. I'm a more powerful psychic than Uri Geller! I KNEW!!! I OBVIOUSLY KNEW!!!!
Because my flippant remark was on the money.
No, I didn't know. It was sort of an educated guess because I knew a lot about her life. I was shocked I was correct. I was trying to be funny.
As the person who blurted out the first ridiculous thing that popped into my head, I can assure you I was not sitting there going "Madame Doreen is having a Vision...I see a small dog ...on a large bed...zee bed your mother has said is OFF LIMITS to zee hairy little hunds. And I see wee weeing!"
If I were a comedian, I would be harping on "Trump invaded Venezuela to secure himself a steady supply of COCAINE!" And if it turned out to be true, I would have a bigger issue than my best friend being silly and imagining I'm psychic.